t-minus one week until graduation. so many things left to accomplish/square away and feeling awash in the quagmire of panic. in order of importance:
1. write my paper for politics (hopefully accomplished by tuesday)
2. complete the online federal loan exit survey, or my grades will not be released :(
3. Project proposal for my other class--a blessedly short write up
4. try to do one more update of my project before having to present it on thursday
5. FIGURE OUT SUMMER LANGUAGE!!!---> things that are impeding my search:
A. the above numbers, 1-4
B. It needs to be at least four credits (most i can find are 3)
C. it needs to work with/around my work schedule.I need to work at least 4 days a week. shifts at work are either 11-4 OR 4-9. everything i have found out there so far would not allow me to work as much as i need to, there by making living/eating/paying rent a pain in the arse.
D. If i don't find one that can give me 4 credits, i will NOT receive my diploma
E. ideally, i would *like* to continue studying japanese (since, you know, i'd like to actually get proficient at it) but institutions around here only offer intro levels over the summer. or 3-credit classes.
i'm having a hard time keeping food down and sleeping with regularity. when i do sleep, i'm addled with dreams that are bordering on night terrors. i know to try and breathe and take one day at a time, but this feels like an epic crux/ turning point in my life and why the frak can't things just fall into place a little bit better??? this langauge thing has been a pain in my ass since the begining.
13 May 2011
10 May 2011
panicky panic
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
project. paper. no direction. 9 days. sleep??? eat?? must register for summer. graduate?
project. paper. no direction. 9 days. sleep??? eat?? must register for summer. graduate?
26 April 2011
may 20th, 2011-->mark your calendar!
i have been (keep your fingers crossed!) granted permission to participate in graduation! i can walk with my co-horts! woot! double woot! triple woot!
now, all i have to do to get the damn diploma is: 1. write a 20 page paper for one class 2. come up with and execute a prject on policy change for my other class 3. find a VIABLE summer language class ( i have one in the works, it still needs to be approved, then finagled from 3 credits to 4 credits) 4. finish the summer class 5. get my diploma
can i do it folks, with less than a month to go??? will i sleep? will i lose my sanity? will i drrive my family and friends up the wall?
now, all i have to do to get the damn diploma is: 1. write a 20 page paper for one class 2. come up with and execute a prject on policy change for my other class 3. find a VIABLE summer language class ( i have one in the works, it still needs to be approved, then finagled from 3 credits to 4 credits) 4. finish the summer class 5. get my diploma
can i do it folks, with less than a month to go??? will i sleep? will i lose my sanity? will i drrive my family and friends up the wall?
07 April 2011
JAPAN--->part 2
if you watched the video posted in my last update, you will know that it is a multi-part project.
Here's PART 2
please please PLEASE take the time to watch it (3 minutes!) and re-blog, tweet, facebook, email it to as many people you know. for reals.
and i promise a more academically related post in the near future. this "final semester" is really taking its toll on me.
Here's PART 2
please please PLEASE take the time to watch it (3 minutes!) and re-blog, tweet, facebook, email it to as many people you know. for reals.
and i promise a more academically related post in the near future. this "final semester" is really taking its toll on me.
01 April 2011
Let's Help JAPAN!!!!!!
JPRI Japan Relief Fund w/ Give2Asia
JPRI (Japan Policy Research Institute) in collaboration with Give2Asia (a highly respected organization that works DIRECTLY with locally-based NGOs) has created a fund which will go directly to locally-based aid efforts on the ground in Japan.
Unlike many other aid organizations, one of the awesome criteria of Give2Asia is that relief supplies must be bought in the LOCAL COMMUNITY. that's right--->supporting retailers, groceries, doctors, hospitals, etc. who are in the effected disaster zone. by utilizing this approach, not only are immediate needs being met, but the local economy is strengthen, providing for the future.
JPRI (Japan Policy Research Institute) in collaboration with Give2Asia (a highly respected organization that works DIRECTLY with locally-based NGOs) has created a fund which will go directly to locally-based aid efforts on the ground in Japan.
Unlike many other aid organizations, one of the awesome criteria of Give2Asia is that relief supplies must be bought in the LOCAL COMMUNITY. that's right--->supporting retailers, groceries, doctors, hospitals, etc. who are in the effected disaster zone. by utilizing this approach, not only are immediate needs being met, but the local economy is strengthen, providing for the future.
28 March 2011
i must be getting old
i am currently at an on-campus event (NOT required) but related to one of my papers this semester. it is a lecture/round table discussion on the "global and local perspectives on the politics of pregnancy."
fascinating, right?
no HUGE surprise 95% of the crowd is female...however i can't get over how "exposed" these girls are. and frilly/female in what i consider a stereotypical way. so many plunging necklines, skintight clothing, short/tight skirts, etc. and all i can think is: "you are worth so much more. you don't need to flaunt your legs/boobs/etc. " it makes me feel like a curmudgeonly old cynical bitch.
:::sigh:::
fascinating, right?
no HUGE surprise 95% of the crowd is female...however i can't get over how "exposed" these girls are. and frilly/female in what i consider a stereotypical way. so many plunging necklines, skintight clothing, short/tight skirts, etc. and all i can think is: "you are worth so much more. you don't need to flaunt your legs/boobs/etc. " it makes me feel like a curmudgeonly old cynical bitch.
:::sigh:::
28 February 2011
i've been here too long
earlier today i was contemplating (aka day-dreaming) about other spaces and places i'd like to be/travel/live and had a jarring realization: i would have to trade many of my "creature comforts" and settle for status-quo items i don't know if i believe in supporting. without trying to sound so vague, let me break it down for those of you reading along:
unless i end up in an english-speaking (or eu associated) country, there are many items i currently purchase in what i believe to be an ethical manner, that i'd be hard put to find an equivalent of. ecologically-friendly: shampoo/conditioner, household cleaners, laundry detergent, chlorine-free bleach, soap, dish detergent, cat litter, toothpaste, deodorant, etc.
food-wise: ethically raised/produced meat, eggs and cheese; sustainableANDlocalANDorganic fruits and veggies; tempeh, grains and nuts from within a reasonable distance and again, preferably organic; holistic cat-food and treats; sustainable sea food; locally roasted, ethically purchased coffee, etc.
there are so many other things too, that i just take for granted that i buy and am proud to support the people who produce them. if i were to move back to the country of my heart (japan) all of this would be complicated by the fact that, while many of these things--if not all of them-- ARE available, but through ex-pat mail-order/internet services that ship these items from other countries, thus negating the sustainability. ARGH!!!!!
unless i end up in an english-speaking (or eu associated) country, there are many items i currently purchase in what i believe to be an ethical manner, that i'd be hard put to find an equivalent of. ecologically-friendly: shampoo/conditioner, household cleaners, laundry detergent, chlorine-free bleach, soap, dish detergent, cat litter, toothpaste, deodorant, etc.
food-wise: ethically raised/produced meat, eggs and cheese; sustainableANDlocalANDorganic fruits and veggies; tempeh, grains and nuts from within a reasonable distance and again, preferably organic; holistic cat-food and treats; sustainable sea food; locally roasted, ethically purchased coffee, etc.
there are so many other things too, that i just take for granted that i buy and am proud to support the people who produce them. if i were to move back to the country of my heart (japan) all of this would be complicated by the fact that, while many of these things--if not all of them-- ARE available, but through ex-pat mail-order/internet services that ship these items from other countries, thus negating the sustainability. ARGH!!!!!
22 February 2011
gorram it all
apparently i am supposed to have a fairly concrete idea as to what i am writing my research paper on for one of my classes already. suffice it to say, i barely have an idea as to WHAT the *class* is all about, so how am i supposed to have an idea for a paper? additionally, for the 3rd week in a row, all the discussion questions for class are pointed in the same direction--> blahblahblah china blahblahblah egypt/jordan/bahrain blahblahblah...
i have been faithfully keeping up with the readings, though i could barely say what i got from any of them. i'm sick of circular "debates" in the classroom. i want to discuss other countries/ theories/ topics...but noooooooooo. it's all about china. china's powerful. china's scary. china's a bully. OH WAIT.
didn't britain say the same thing as it was waning and the u.s. was rising to power? and didn't the u.s. say the same exact things about japan back in the 80's/early 90's? i want to know about the other issues affecting international relations/politics!!!!!!!!!
i have been faithfully keeping up with the readings, though i could barely say what i got from any of them. i'm sick of circular "debates" in the classroom. i want to discuss other countries/ theories/ topics...but noooooooooo. it's all about china. china's powerful. china's scary. china's a bully. OH WAIT.
didn't britain say the same thing as it was waning and the u.s. was rising to power? and didn't the u.s. say the same exact things about japan back in the 80's/early 90's? i want to know about the other issues affecting international relations/politics!!!!!!!!!
15 February 2011
the tudors = more interesting than school
no surprise there.
however, that being said, it becomes a problem when i'd rather sit in front of a screen and watch over-the-top shows in my PJs than even think about school. seriously, if i wasn't this close to being done, i'd drop out.
in other NON-school related news, on my bus ride out to campus today, the dude sitting behind me was totally cutting a fairly large bag of (i presume) cocaine with baking soda. either that, or he was transferring it INTO the baking soda box to be less conspicuous...on a bus...in public. oh the joys of public transportation.
ADDENDUM:
i am typing this from class. while the discussion is going semi-well, what it boils down to is this man likes to hear himself talk WAAAAAAY too much. it eats up class time because he has to interject so often to listen to himself
however, that being said, it becomes a problem when i'd rather sit in front of a screen and watch over-the-top shows in my PJs than even think about school. seriously, if i wasn't this close to being done, i'd drop out.
in other NON-school related news, on my bus ride out to campus today, the dude sitting behind me was totally cutting a fairly large bag of (i presume) cocaine with baking soda. either that, or he was transferring it INTO the baking soda box to be less conspicuous...on a bus...in public. oh the joys of public transportation.
ADDENDUM:
i am typing this from class. while the discussion is going semi-well, what it boils down to is this man likes to hear himself talk WAAAAAAY too much. it eats up class time because he has to interject so often to listen to himself
08 February 2011
in class. yup.
i'm sitting in class. wishing i was at a bar or at home or watching a movie....
this class gives me a migraine.
this class gives me a migraine.
01 February 2011
manic pixie dream girl me
without the whole shallow, looking to fulfill some dude's utter happiness whilst ignoring my own.
but seriously, how is it that in my LAST semester i utterly totally and completely have lost interest in getting this degree? in going to class? in trying to challenge myself? i'd rather just go about doing my job, finding another, volunteering, farmer's market-ing, cooking/baking at home, loving my cats, crafting, reading for pleasure---> all for the rest of my life. maybe learn how to can and make preserves and shit like that.
i see what other people my age have accomplished and what i'm doing *PALES* in comparison: so why do i bother? i'm not asking you, dear reader, for the answer. my problem is i don't have an answer. i have no idea why i'm getting this degree. or thinking about getting one after it. i have no clue what type of "career" i want. i have no goals for what i hope to achieve. i have no desire/drive to be published, go to conferences, network, etc. so why the fuck am i still dragging myself 2-hours-via-transit away to be in a program i find utterly overwhelming and yet, utterly under-performing to my expectations!!!!
i'm so sick of feeling like i want to crawl in a cave and just stay there permanently...which is how i feel when i think about school.
but seriously, how is it that in my LAST semester i utterly totally and completely have lost interest in getting this degree? in going to class? in trying to challenge myself? i'd rather just go about doing my job, finding another, volunteering, farmer's market-ing, cooking/baking at home, loving my cats, crafting, reading for pleasure---> all for the rest of my life. maybe learn how to can and make preserves and shit like that.
i see what other people my age have accomplished and what i'm doing *PALES* in comparison: so why do i bother? i'm not asking you, dear reader, for the answer. my problem is i don't have an answer. i have no idea why i'm getting this degree. or thinking about getting one after it. i have no clue what type of "career" i want. i have no goals for what i hope to achieve. i have no desire/drive to be published, go to conferences, network, etc. so why the fuck am i still dragging myself 2-hours-via-transit away to be in a program i find utterly overwhelming and yet, utterly under-performing to my expectations!!!!
i'm so sick of feeling like i want to crawl in a cave and just stay there permanently...which is how i feel when i think about school.
31 January 2011
realism? liberalism? constructivism? whogivesadamnism!!!!
my brain is brimming with international relations theory. HELP!!!!
while it's all well and good to understand, with only one week of class/readings behind me i can tell you one thing for sure---theory schemeory.
there is NO one "correct" theory/practice/policy and the more people try to insist that there way is more productive than the others, the less shit is going to get done in this world. take the strengths from each, blend a bit and tweak thing that ACTUALLY works---in practice NOT just in theory and forget about who got it "right" and who didn't. geez people...get over your collective selves.
while it's all well and good to understand, with only one week of class/readings behind me i can tell you one thing for sure---theory schemeory.
there is NO one "correct" theory/practice/policy and the more people try to insist that there way is more productive than the others, the less shit is going to get done in this world. take the strengths from each, blend a bit and tweak thing that ACTUALLY works---in practice NOT just in theory and forget about who got it "right" and who didn't. geez people...get over your collective selves.
25 January 2011
just sittin' here, holding my awkward balloon...
a whole hour-plus to go before my first class of my "final" semester. i sit in the library, filled with dread. my stomach is in knots. i ordered the last of my textbooks today (this was BY FAR the most expensive semester, books-wise. in total i spent well-over $150, which, while i know is rather inconsequential for some, is a LOT for me) and i also purchased a semester long bus pass. just hope i don't manage to lose it like i did last year. i'd be out another $96! SIGH.
so here i sit. reading the various sites i follow. holding my awkward balloon. swimming with my awkward turtle. sipping my awkward coffee. and wishing i was back at home.
so here i sit. reading the various sites i follow. holding my awkward balloon. swimming with my awkward turtle. sipping my awkward coffee. and wishing i was back at home.
24 January 2011
it's the final countdown!
(and no, i'm not going to make a yacht disappear)
tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, begins the "final" semester of my master's program. i am both feeling terribly thrilled to be back in the classroom, and at the same time, utterly terrified.
perhaps it's just back to school jitters, but i think it's more than that. faced with still NO IDEA what i'm going to do with this degree once i receive it *and* after having finally got to a point last semester where i was feeling comfortable with myself, my peers, and balancing the social and the academic...i find myself back at "square one".
somehow, during the last last 3 weeks or so of last semester, i managed to alienate the classmate i felt the closest to. i am not 100% sure what i did, only that it was bad enough to be given the cold shoulder, no longer traveling back home accompanied by them as well as (and this surprisingly hurt the most) being pretty much banned from their facebook account. the only thing i can possibly think of is that i said something so offensive...but i can't think of what. and that's what worries me. i know i could/ should say something to this person like: whatever it was i did, i'm so sorry. but the fact that i can't remember/don't know means i can't be sorry without knowing what i'm sorry for. and i'm afraid that by asking, i'll give the impression that i'm too much of an ass to know/ remember what i did. **AND** i'm also terrified that other classmates will have been told something and will also cut me off.
jeez. i went (in life) from being uber extroverted and unconcerned as to what others thought of me to being a total wallflower, desperate for peer approval.
tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, begins the "final" semester of my master's program. i am both feeling terribly thrilled to be back in the classroom, and at the same time, utterly terrified.
perhaps it's just back to school jitters, but i think it's more than that. faced with still NO IDEA what i'm going to do with this degree once i receive it *and* after having finally got to a point last semester where i was feeling comfortable with myself, my peers, and balancing the social and the academic...i find myself back at "square one".
somehow, during the last last 3 weeks or so of last semester, i managed to alienate the classmate i felt the closest to. i am not 100% sure what i did, only that it was bad enough to be given the cold shoulder, no longer traveling back home accompanied by them as well as (and this surprisingly hurt the most) being pretty much banned from their facebook account. the only thing i can possibly think of is that i said something so offensive...but i can't think of what. and that's what worries me. i know i could/ should say something to this person like: whatever it was i did, i'm so sorry. but the fact that i can't remember/don't know means i can't be sorry without knowing what i'm sorry for. and i'm afraid that by asking, i'll give the impression that i'm too much of an ass to know/ remember what i did. **AND** i'm also terrified that other classmates will have been told something and will also cut me off.
jeez. i went (in life) from being uber extroverted and unconcerned as to what others thought of me to being a total wallflower, desperate for peer approval.
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