my brain is brimming with international relations theory. HELP!!!!
while it's all well and good to understand, with only one week of class/readings behind me i can tell you one thing for sure---theory schemeory.
there is NO one "correct" theory/practice/policy and the more people try to insist that there way is more productive than the others, the less shit is going to get done in this world. take the strengths from each, blend a bit and tweak thing that ACTUALLY works---in practice NOT just in theory and forget about who got it "right" and who didn't. geez people...get over your collective selves.
25 January 2011
just sittin' here, holding my awkward balloon...
a whole hour-plus to go before my first class of my "final" semester. i sit in the library, filled with dread. my stomach is in knots. i ordered the last of my textbooks today (this was BY FAR the most expensive semester, books-wise. in total i spent well-over $150, which, while i know is rather inconsequential for some, is a LOT for me) and i also purchased a semester long bus pass. just hope i don't manage to lose it like i did last year. i'd be out another $96! SIGH.
so here i sit. reading the various sites i follow. holding my awkward balloon. swimming with my awkward turtle. sipping my awkward coffee. and wishing i was back at home.
so here i sit. reading the various sites i follow. holding my awkward balloon. swimming with my awkward turtle. sipping my awkward coffee. and wishing i was back at home.
24 January 2011
it's the final countdown!
(and no, i'm not going to make a yacht disappear)
tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, begins the "final" semester of my master's program. i am both feeling terribly thrilled to be back in the classroom, and at the same time, utterly terrified.
perhaps it's just back to school jitters, but i think it's more than that. faced with still NO IDEA what i'm going to do with this degree once i receive it *and* after having finally got to a point last semester where i was feeling comfortable with myself, my peers, and balancing the social and the academic...i find myself back at "square one".
somehow, during the last last 3 weeks or so of last semester, i managed to alienate the classmate i felt the closest to. i am not 100% sure what i did, only that it was bad enough to be given the cold shoulder, no longer traveling back home accompanied by them as well as (and this surprisingly hurt the most) being pretty much banned from their facebook account. the only thing i can possibly think of is that i said something so offensive...but i can't think of what. and that's what worries me. i know i could/ should say something to this person like: whatever it was i did, i'm so sorry. but the fact that i can't remember/don't know means i can't be sorry without knowing what i'm sorry for. and i'm afraid that by asking, i'll give the impression that i'm too much of an ass to know/ remember what i did. **AND** i'm also terrified that other classmates will have been told something and will also cut me off.
jeez. i went (in life) from being uber extroverted and unconcerned as to what others thought of me to being a total wallflower, desperate for peer approval.
tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, begins the "final" semester of my master's program. i am both feeling terribly thrilled to be back in the classroom, and at the same time, utterly terrified.
perhaps it's just back to school jitters, but i think it's more than that. faced with still NO IDEA what i'm going to do with this degree once i receive it *and* after having finally got to a point last semester where i was feeling comfortable with myself, my peers, and balancing the social and the academic...i find myself back at "square one".
somehow, during the last last 3 weeks or so of last semester, i managed to alienate the classmate i felt the closest to. i am not 100% sure what i did, only that it was bad enough to be given the cold shoulder, no longer traveling back home accompanied by them as well as (and this surprisingly hurt the most) being pretty much banned from their facebook account. the only thing i can possibly think of is that i said something so offensive...but i can't think of what. and that's what worries me. i know i could/ should say something to this person like: whatever it was i did, i'm so sorry. but the fact that i can't remember/don't know means i can't be sorry without knowing what i'm sorry for. and i'm afraid that by asking, i'll give the impression that i'm too much of an ass to know/ remember what i did. **AND** i'm also terrified that other classmates will have been told something and will also cut me off.
jeez. i went (in life) from being uber extroverted and unconcerned as to what others thought of me to being a total wallflower, desperate for peer approval.
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