as always, her verbosity astounds me, especially since this is actually an issue that even i struggle with. i have never found my body attractive/appealing to myself. yes, i have outside validation of my looks, but the internal outlook has never been positive.
it's not that i find myselfunattractive i just don't find myself particularly ANYTHING "positive": pretty/cute/beautiful/sexy/what-have you.
for me, it has always been a struggle with ME- inwardly- i try so hard not to compare myself to cultural standards of beauty. i don't particularly care what's "in": current fashion, hairstyles, makeup, shaving, etc. and yet, i don't find anything appealing about myself and wonder if it's a greater part of cultural ideal after all.
bleck.
3 comments:
when you look at yourself in the mirror do you feel like you're really seeing yourself? I have always felt like i'm in the wrong body. anyway, there's a new book coming out called Hungry about a model who becomes a plus size model. google it. i could tell you that i think you're beautiful, but you probably won't hear it. you have to feel beautiful inside to accept such a compliment. it took me about 20 years of therapy and a very high dose of antidepressants to accept this kind of compliment. and its still a dubious prospect depending on my mood at the time. anyway, forget the cultural ideal of beauty in america. its based on commerce, not truth. to be honest and true is to be beautiful. i also think happiness is a great beauty secret. and it takes a certain number of well connected neuro transmitters and some heavy doses of norepinephrine to help them along. some people are not born with such connections and organic produce washed down with pomegranate juice doesn't make up for that. thats why i benefit from the 'better living through chemicals' philosophy.
keep the faith, Becky. You are an amazing and beautiful person and you will find the truth.
I'm beyond honored.
At any rate, I hear ya, friend. Goodness I hear you.
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