the majority of my readings this week are on cultural gender identity. it's been kicking my brain's (non-existent) ass in so many ways: from acquainting myself to new perspectives to re-evaluating my own perceptions. one of the areas i find myself struggling with the most is sense of identity and gender performance.
in addition to the assigned texts, i also have gone back to some of my own books (of which i have quite an array) on gender/feminism/identity: "misogyny: the world's oldest prejudice"--which didn't have as much as i was hoping it would; and "polite lies: on being a woman caught between cultures"--which had a LOT more than i remembered...
the author, kyoko mori, writes about her experiences being a japanese woman who lives now permanently in the US mid-west. not-so-oddly much of what she writes resonates with my life experiences, but in particular, i would like to offer up one passage in particular, since it is what i have been wrestling the most with in my own life:
Personal appearance causes anxiety and insecurity because those of us who are not beautiful consider our clothes, makeup or hairstyle to be expressions or symbols of who we are, and yet our choices are burdened by cultural, societal, and sexist expectations. Personal appearance is the four-way intersection where our personal symbolism clashes with the symbolism of the culture in which we must live. For some of us, it's a head on collision, a big highway catastrophe.
those are the kind of days i have been having- second guessing/ judging myself because i find myself surround by cultural expectations of "what i should be" and then find myself embarrassed/ashamed that i'm not meeting those "standards."
3 comments:
i always thought you were quite beautiful.
this is a test.
Now for my comment(ary), biased of course by my profession, but one that I find myself compelled to impose. This may help or it may not - that's up to you, but it's good that you remember the facts when these self-effacing thoughts intrude. Lets review, shall we? The reason you ponder and struggle with these issues is because you have a very high IQ which is both a blessing and a curse. Numerous studies on advanced cognition show a high correlation with IQ and existential depression. On the up side, such thoughts can lead to a deeper understanding of the human condition or a book (like the one's you reference) or a song or a play... On the down side: they suck. Or they lead to moral paralysis, a state where you are frozen with fear and despair and nothing gets done (which for some feels very safe - nothing risked, nothing rejected.) It's a good idea to have discussions about your ideas with other divergent thinkers. Caution - this can lead to a syndrome my fellow psych friends and I have termed "mental masturbation." Like scratching an itch, discussion only leads to temporary relief. Writing on your blog - also a good strategy. (Why is the word blog not in the dictionary). Getting the ideas out of your head is important. Otherwise they sit there and fester. I like the Zen approach. Step outside your fear and look at it. Remove it from your emotional reaction and just look at your fear. Perhaps you need something you're not getting. Ask your fear, "what do you need to feel safe." In the case of unmet expectations, do you need reassurance from others? Do you need to ask for what you need? (i.e. "I need you to tell me that I am gorgeous," although I'm sure you could find a more clever way to say it.) If you think the fear is telling you that you are being dangerously lax, do you need to take a step toward achieving an expectation? (hair cut, yoga class.) Sometimes just one step can go a long way toward reassuring yourself that you can meet a goal that is reasonable. Are the "shoulds" unreasonable and part of a societal norm that you reject? If so telling your fear to F off is not a bad idea. This is getting long, so I'll try to wrap up. I just care very much about my brilliant niece, and want her to be okay in the world. Your blog has such eerie parallels to my journal during grad school. I even drew a picture of my body in cartoon form the way I saw it and the way society saw it and the way men saw it, etc. Another fun little exercise by the way. And a book that you might find interesting is Judy Faludi's Back Lash: The Undeclared War Against American Women. And of course, don't underestimate the effect of growing up Lutheran. You learn about grace and unconditional love, but in order to bring the point home, Lutheran doctrine has to first make you feel really "sinful and unclean'. It's a real mind job. Chin up. Aunt P.
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