stupidest assignment EVER

i am sure i have mentioned in the past just how obnoxious my language homework can be. especially since 90% of the time we get assigned for *written homework* what was supposed to be in class, oral exercises. this makes for lots of "creative" made-up questions/answers. nothing like inventing a series of answers from imaginary classmates.

for this round of homework, however, i think i was given an exercise that exemplifies/embodies just how STUPID this is. not only because um...hello, it's supposed to be an oral exercise---writing it out won't help me learn to speak the damn language--- but also because well, you'll see:

(from the textbook): ask three classmates if they are willing to do the following once they get married. add your own question. after the interview, tell the class who you want to marry and why.

okay- here comes the reasons:
1. my class is only 3 people. so i only have two classmates.
2. an interview implies you are actually asking your classmates and having them respond.
3. i am already married.
4. my classmates (all TWO of them) are both straight women, one's in a relationship.
5. i am making up their answers, so i am misrepresenting them.
6. in theory, i was supposed to physically write out each question and the response, so i'd be writing each of the 8 questions TWICE- the exact same way. (waste of time)

of the 3 other exercises i have completed in the past hour, 2 of them were supposedly "aloud" exercises using the dialog cd...but now have become written. i'm so glad i get to practice writing over and over and over....it's not like i wanted to learn to actually SPEAK the language. nah.

ode to keats

(i went and saw "bright star" yesterday- staggeringly, heart-wrenchingly beautiful film. after words, i wrote this)

fragile poet
sallow-cheeked, peak & pallid
what exquisite agony expressed
in words; clinging to my memory
as the lone remaining autumn leaf to the oak.
momentary ecstasy-
as ruinous to my delicate heart
as your tortured glances,
thick with luminous transcendence.
insipid, icy winds,
petulant in their perturbation of the oak leaf
blow.
my heart, my memory remain
eternally yours.

identity crisis

can you have an identity crisis when you are no longer sure of your identity? a lack-of-identity crisis? if so, i'm thick in the midst of one.

i want to travel back in time to when i was sure of who i am and what i wanted out of life....

when i felt comfortable in my own skin and being myself....

when i felt confident. strong. resilient...angry.


blip. blip. blip. blip. blip. blip....................

tell me all your thoughts on god....

while walking through the downtown area yesterday i had one of those moments that, for whatever reason, embeds itself in your brain. a punk-ass little preteen was goofing around with his friends when he got hurt (i guess) and exclaimed "jesus christ that hurt!" not too abnormal. besides being taken aback due to how young he was--and then remembering my old bus commute where kids even younger swore so much it made *MY* ears hurt--i began to wonder...


does the power of the words lose power if the symbolic meanings attached to them aren't there??? the area (and culture) i live in is not known for its judeo-christian background or for housing a plethora of religious institutions of the judeo-christian variety. do phrases like "jesus christ", "god damn" or even "go to hell" cease to hold as much symbolic power if the person uttering them is an atheist? a buddhist? a hindu? a pagan?

are there atheist/buddhist/hindu/pagan equivalents to judeo-christian blasphemy? do people use these terms because they learned them from television? does it mean anything to them *personally* beyond being seen as "swear words lite"?

...slipping, everythings slipping away

i don't know how much longer i can hold on. each week gets progressively more and more daunting and instead of feeling confident, i feel worn out--"like little butter over too much bread".  i can barely keep up with the readings- mainly because half of them are being posted mid-week and i don't have a printer at home. (yes, i do read them online, but then it's next to impossible to reference direct quotes/passages in class).

 by the time i get to class at night i'm so worm out my brain atrophies instead of kicking in, as it did in the beginning. other students have stepped up to participate and they have great things to say: most of them either beat me to my point or make a better one than i could have contributed. and the blackboard discussions online have become like mini-essays full of quotes and theories- i don't know how my fellow classmates find the time to write them! i consider myself lucky if i find *A SINGULAR* point i want to discuss, and it's usually that i want to discuss it--not use texts to illustrate something. it's called a "discussion board" for a reason right???

also, while my tutor thinks i'm getting a good grasp on my language, the teacher continues to pull shit out of mid-air and put it on tests without: a) ever having practiced it OR EVEN discussed it in class b) having it been practiced in homework and c) even mentioning that we should make sure to review the (to use an actual example) example sentences given when introducing new verb patterns! during our class break last night i had to leave the classroom so i could go somewhere and cry! this woman is making me hate the language!!! she doesn't seem to care that i'm "just not getting it" because the other 2 girls are---oh wait! they're still a whole year ahead of me in their study! gee....i wonder why....

i may have to re-take it next semester to get a better grade on my transcript which pisses me off for too many reasons to go into. i am so frustrated with this program- with not feeling like i am getting any support from the school OR teachers. with not knowing week to week what my homework load is going to look like so i can plan accordingly. with feeling friendless and stupid.

and now, i have to go get ready because it will take over an hour to get to my volunteer shift, from which i go directly to class. i will end up spending too much money on crappy food while the yummy stuff i have at home goes to waste because i'm never home to eat it!!!!!!

crit. hit? or crit. miss? (debuting my critical analysis)

alright, it seems i have figured out how to make this "hidden text" thing work! the ONLY snafu is: if you go to my individual entry- it won't be hidden. if you are on my main page, you have the option to expand and read.

that being said-- i am posting the critical analysis i wrote for my basic-overview class below. it has to do with textbook controversy in the asia-pacific and is in response to 4 lengthy articles we had to read. the "goal" of the paper was to show we understood the main points/insights and then to process them, looking at them critically and analyzing what we read (surprising right? who knew that's what a critical analysis was?!?!)  don't be concerned if you don't understand the particulars--if you choose to read it.

ALSO: THE BELOW PAPER IS MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. please please please do not plagiarize it. i will cry tears of molten lava and that will hurt....

i wrote a paper

i think it is rather brilliant. when i figure out how to post it BEHIND a link (so you can chose to read it if you want) and how to make sure someone doesn't plagiarize it before wednesday, i will put it up here.

any one know what's its called/ how to make a "link" to hide part of your post????