one year ago

it is absolutely incredible to me what a difference a year can make.at this time last year, i was working a job i hated loathed. however, i was making for the first time in my "american life" a living wage ( i did as well during my time in japan, but the circumstances there were way favorable: subsidized housing among many). bills were paid in full--including the dreaded credit card--my savings account was growing, my ability to take trips was only limited by the time i could take off from work. i bought my family NICE christmas presents....

what a study in contrasts.

one year ago: a single paycheck covered rent + utilities. today: it takes 4 paychecks to equal JUST rent
one year ago: i could go home for christmas for 10 days. today: i will be working at least 2, possibly 3 jobs over break just to stay "afloat"
one year ago: i could afford "luxuries" like donation-based yoga, therapy & acupuncture today: even i could find the time to get to such things, i have to prioritize things like my upcoming root canal/dental surgery sans insurance.
one year ago: i could get or make meaningful presents for gifts today: time-factor aside, i'm only making $90/week before taxes
one year ago: my tendency to over-dramatize the fragile state of my income was gently mocked today: i seriously worry what would happen in case of any emergency... since losing my job in april (before i got the very part-time one i have now) i have incurred over $3000 in medical bills.  and they were technically non-emergencies.

i haven't had a vacation (which didn't involve either family of hosting a friend) in over 5 years. i hate to think that to pay for a single credit of my graduate education i would have to put in over 100 hours at my very-part-time job. but with the amount of schoolwork required, i feel it's near impossible to juggle 2 jobs during the academic year.

i hate feeling so helpless while at the same time knowing full well there are so many other people in this world facing greater struggles, greater suffering.

one year ago, i may have been miserable and stressed out to the max, but i was financially secure. today, my stresses are of a different nature and i don't hate my job. what to do? what to do?