insert witty title here

i haven't been posting. i'm quite aware. not that there's a huge demand for my ravings of frustration co-mingled with the occasional joyous update. never-the-less...

i am finding that i am too angry (?) to post. events have occurred that, while not devastating in the long run, have crushed my spirit.

1. i lost (still convinced it may have been stolen somehow) my student ID. not a big deal because the ID itself is replaceable.  what *isn't* replaceable was the semester-long bus pass! not only is that $88 down the tube for the cost of the pass, but now everytime i head to campus i hand over $2, each way. that's potentially $8 a week. some weeks i get a lift back home. but, in upcoming weeks, when i will be spending more time at the library researching, or assisting a prior professor, i will be handing over even more.

i feel incompetent and stupid about this whole ordeal because the original ID disappeared in a time span of approximately 5 minutes. and i don't know to this day how or why. i have a new ID card now, so i can access campus locations, IT and borrow books but that bus pass...!!! :::sigh:::

2. family issues. i am getting quite tired of the song-and-dance number to the tune of "we're really tight on money right now so we can't [fill in the blank]" from my parents. if it were an honest plea, it wouldn't bother me so much. but it has hardly escaped my notice that EVERY TIME i have scraped up enough money to go home, they have a brand-new, high-ticket item. (recent acquisitions include: giant flat-screen HiDef TV, entertainment unit, ps3, new car, re-doing the living room, oh and vacations/retreats abound!)

this april my dad is turning 60. my mom decided she was going to throw him a big surprise party and invite all the important people from his past AND fly me home for the party. the last time we talked she had decided against the party in favor of something smaller. fair enough. but when i asked about coming home to be there with him to celebrate, she informed me they "don't have the money" right now.  :::sigh::: fine. whatever.

so i asked if they were still planning to come visit as an entire family this summer- which they have be telling me they were going to do for over a year now (also, my dad has YET to come and visit me in the place of my residing since i moved out of the midwest in 2006!!!) surprise surprise they aren't going to be able to afford that either. times are tight.

so, i email my kid sister and ask her if she has plans for spring break and would she like to come visit me. her spring break is the first week of april. she tells me that she'd much rather do that but mom,dad AND she are going to Florida!!!!!


they can't come visit me, or have me flown home for my dad's 60th BUT THEY CAN GO TO FLORIDA??

3. my love/hate relationship with grad school is severely in the "hate" spectrum this semester. it's a combination of many things: from feeling like the workload is too easy (yes, i said too easy. i know most people would be grateful for a light load, but i'm paying a LOT with little return), to getting very little out of my main class ( the lectures become circular reasoning with very little exploration of the social context or impact), to just plain not understanding HOW i'm supposed to know already what my thesis for a final paper is going to be, when i frankly feel like i know nothing about eastern religion, or at least, not enough to take a stance on anything. ARGH!!!!!


and that, coupled with the usual self-doubt, loathing and stress, have kept me from posting until now.