without the whole shallow, looking to fulfill some dude's utter happiness whilst ignoring my own.
but seriously, how is it that in my LAST semester i utterly totally and completely have lost interest in getting this degree? in going to class? in trying to challenge myself? i'd rather just go about doing my job, finding another, volunteering, farmer's market-ing, cooking/baking at home, loving my cats, crafting, reading for pleasure---> all for the rest of my life. maybe learn how to can and make preserves and shit like that.
i see what other people my age have accomplished and what i'm doing *PALES* in comparison: so why do i bother? i'm not asking you, dear reader, for the answer. my problem is i don't have an answer. i have no idea why i'm getting this degree. or thinking about getting one after it. i have no clue what type of "career" i want. i have no goals for what i hope to achieve. i have no desire/drive to be published, go to conferences, network, etc. so why the fuck am i still dragging myself 2-hours-via-transit away to be in a program i find utterly overwhelming and yet, utterly under-performing to my expectations!!!!
i'm so sick of feeling like i want to crawl in a cave and just stay there permanently...which is how i feel when i think about school.
1 comment:
Hang in there, Bex! Remember that the joy is in the journey - your destination(s) will be ever-changing. (I know mine have been.) Finish the semester, get your degree, and see where life takes you... You can do it!! :)
Post a Comment