i debated whether or not i was going to make this entry. not only because it has been so long since my last update that i fear no one will even read this, but also because i feel it is testing the limits of my own boundaries of public vs. private life.
suffice it to say, it has come to a point where, i have no other outlet in which i can turn to for "help": my parents never quite "get it", my spouse has many of the same fears/terrors as i do and already bears so much for me, my circle of friends/acquaintances, i fear, see me as a pessimistic naysayer---and i don't feel i can share this/ talk about all this with anyone directly. this is NOT to gain sympathy or pity. it is to get my anger/rage/frustration out at a situation which feels insurmountable. so here i go.
warning: below page break exists all the shit i'm dealing with. if you really don't want to know what is going on, it's cool, just don't read on. if you *DO*, consider this fair warning.
i am far from the first person to be terrified/worried about finances. but i am honestly concerned that unless a miracle happens, we are up shit creek without a paddle. here is why:
we have given our landlord notice that we will be moving out at the end of the month. sounds great and joyous and promising, right? well, it should be however, moves are far from cheap.
i am waiting on the "official transfer process" of where i am employed to see if i can transfer to a location in the NEW city. it's a 30 day process. fuck if i know why. and it's not guaranteed. BUT (and here's the real catcher) i have to give, in writing, the date of my last day of work at my current location. with at least 2 weeks notice. before i will know about the transfer. if the transfer goes smoothly, no big deal. if it doesn't happen. i will be unemployed---again. i will lose my health care and what little income the 2 of us have, all because of bureaucratic timing.
and then there's the money situation. some of you may know that the state we live in determined i make too much money now for us to receive SNAP benefits (food stamps). i make $11.40/hr and at MOST get scheduled 24 hours a week. after taxes, my paychecks are under $500. our current rent is $875. that leaves us with $125 left per month for utilities, food, gas, etc. HA! yes, i make too much money state.
on top of that---DEBT COLLECTORS are hounding us to pay the hospital bill from when T had his major accident may of 2011. but if you remember from previous posts (or you can go back and read them) since he PHYSICALLY could not work for over a year, i was the sole income earner. part of that time, i was unemployed, not because i wanted to be. while he was recovering, he lost his insurance. awesome, right?
and our car was in an accident (we're not at fault. and asshat hit our parked car while texting!!!) literally a month ago today, and we **still** are not sure whether it is "totaled" or not because his insurance company (state farm) is giving us the run around. we need to know NOW. because in less than 30 days we won't live in this state anymore. we may have to buy a new car (with what money, i have no idea) and insure it (again, with what money).
AND T is still battling the state for unemployment benefits. within 20 days we will know if he gets it or not. have i mentioned that "it" is a measely $147 per "pay period"? the state has spent more on sending us letters and making phone calls and having a g_ddamn hearing to determine if he is eligible or not based SOLELY on the fact that his former doctor was a kind man who gave T a bonus year's time of disability. but, since the state considers T disabled, it means he is not physically capable of working, thereby rendering him ineligible from collecting unemployment....which blows because his state disability ran out 4 months ago.
AND on top of everything else, T received a $240 citation for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign. SIGH. the man who hit our car???? NO CITATION. NO TICKET. $240 is basically a week's woth of work for me!!!!!!!
and now, dear readers, if you made it to the end, you understand why i feel so desperate and alone and can barely sleep at night.
No comments:
Post a Comment