there are moments when i more than second guess myself- and today i am having one GIANT "what-the-frack-am-i-doing?" day.
here's why (in brief):
- i cried IN CLASS last night because i just couldn't "get" the conjugation patterns. and it was still a 'review' class.
- i haven't figured out yet if my unemployment checks have been "frozen" on account of sheer stupidity.
- my brain hurts.
- i feel so emotionally exhausted from trying to keep up that i was out cold last night from 11:30 until 10:45 this morning. i haven't slept like that since i was like, 5.
- i hardly get to see my spousal unit- unless i visit him at work. i don't want to be one of those couples that gets driven apart because we never see each other/ have quality time together.
- i can't imagine how i would potentially balance a job and school work- and i'm only a week in.
i know logically, i shouldn't second guess myself, but there is a huge part of me that wants to turn and RUN the other way. to move somewhere "affordable" (read: rent is under $800/month) that has a stable job market instead of squeaking by on one part-time job and student loans in an ass-expensive location with a dying job market....
why did i have to pick now to go back???
2 comments:
Stick with it! While the things you wrote about are legitimately difficult, it's still v. early. Trust in the Universe- it's going to work out for you, but only if you let it. Putting all of your energy into how it's not going to work out is just like praying for it not to happen.
You are going to be taken care of. You are going to succeed at school and in life. You and Timothy are not going to be separated by this. Instead of listing what's wrong, I think it would be very helpful to start making a list of what's right. What do you have to be grateful for? Focus on these things. Physically write out a list. Do it right now. Number it. Keep it next to you and see how high the numbers go. Put it in your wallet and bring it out when you are feeling panicky.
Remember, in the grand scheme of things, you are exactly where you need to be, and these worries will in time move on (even if only to be replaced by other worries). Do not sacrifice your precious time on this planet to the worry gods.
You are loved. Believe that. You deserve things to work out. You must believe that, too.
I love you. *hugs*
thanks m. i love you too!!!!
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