an open letter to the state of XX

look, i know there isn't much money right now for anyone or anything. in fact, you seem to be in a bit of a pickle yourself: closing state parks, entire cities filing for bankruptcy, public schools being shut down....


seriously though, all i want to know is how you figure the monetary amount for supplementary nutritional assistance. how is it that 2 adults with a *COMBINED* income of just over $800/month (who pay almost $900/month for rent), only qualify for half the "full amount" of aid???!!! (about $275 is the full amount btw)


i get the system is broken, and believe me, i would love to move out of this stupid state but shocker shocker, we simply can't afford too!!!


gee thanks, state of XX, for making our lives miserable.

i've been here too long

earlier today i was contemplating (aka day-dreaming) about other spaces and places i'd like to be/travel/live and had a jarring realization:  i would have to trade many of my "creature comforts" and settle for status-quo items i don't know if i believe in supporting. without trying to sound so vague, let me break it down for those of you reading along:

unless i end up in an english-speaking (or eu associated) country, there are many items i currently purchase in what i believe to be an ethical manner, that i'd be hard put to find an equivalent of.  ecologically-friendly: shampoo/conditioner, household cleaners, laundry detergent, chlorine-free bleach, soap, dish detergent, cat litter, toothpaste, deodorant, etc.

food-wise: ethically raised/produced meat, eggs and cheese; sustainableANDlocalANDorganic fruits and veggies; tempeh, grains and nuts from within a reasonable distance and again, preferably organic; holistic cat-food and treats; sustainable sea food; locally roasted, ethically purchased coffee, etc.

there are so many other things too, that i just take for granted that i buy and am proud to support the people who produce them. if i were to move back to the country of my heart (japan) all of this would be complicated by the fact that, while many of these things--if not all of them-- ARE available, but through ex-pat mail-order/internet services that ship these items from other countries, thus negating the sustainability. ARGH!!!!!

back-to-school BLAHS ???

with only a week now under my belt, this second year of grad school has me feeling totally, well, BLAH. not sure if it's because i'm having a hard time getting back into the groove of things, or because i feel so physically/mentally lethargic or what. i'm even having a harder than usual time of feeding myself! case in point-- it's approx. noon-thirty as i type this and i finally got around to making my fav. snack (toast with marmite, smoked cheddar and a fried egg). while it's packed full of vitamins and protein and stuff, it's the only thing i've eaten today. i'm going to take some grapes and leftover (yes! leftover!!! shocking, i know) spaghetti to class tonight, but should probably eat something else in there. somewhere.

i feel like i can't get anything done. okay, so maybe i did finish my 150-ish pages of early-late tang dynasty poetry/prose but now i can't be bothered to start the readings for my thursday class. i'm too comfortable at home, but if i were to go anywhere, i'd have to lug everything i needed for the rest of the day along with.and my anthology of chinese literature pre-1911 book is wicked heavy! UGH.

i just feel so >meh< about everything. nothing motivates me. nothing excites me. this does not bode well for the semester....

forgetabily forgoing food (and other quandries)

anyone who knew me during my undergraduate reign, knows i am AWFUL at taking care of myself--particularly in the food department. i enjoy cooking (for the most part) but *hate* eating leftovers. and have never been good at making meals for one. sure there's the "sandwich concept" but i prefer hot food to cold. so, i ate a LOT of ramen, microwavable meals, mac and cheese, boca burgers, pickles, cereal, dried fruit, etc.

now that i KNOW better, i have an even harder time of making sure i am fed. and well-fed. and balanced food at that. oh yeah, and local and organic. :::sigh::: i have tons of amazing farmer's market finds in my fridge, but do i really want to take the time/effort to make something and then deal with the mess???? NOOOOoooo. so do i end up buying lunch on the run and crap at the cafeteria during my class break? yep.

i know it sounds petulant and spoiled of me, but i really need someone to make me eat well. if that includes making it for me, well, so be it. if i had the money, a personal chef would be great!!!

in other news---i have yet to even OPEN the pdf file of the assigned reading for tonight's class. i guess it is hard to give a shit when (on the syllabus) there were 3 additional readings listed, but only one managed to make it to blackboard. and i really feel like i need a night off. hell, a month off would be great.

sometimes i truly wonder if going back to school was such a great idea after all. it's thrown everything else out of whack AND, at least this semester, i have little to no motivation to do anything. and am spending over $10,000 to not give a shit. ARGH.

twentyten

here's to a prosperous new year to all!


i have never been one for making resolutions. but this year/this decade feels auspiciously perfect for new beginnings. so, while i would hesitate to call the below "resolutions", i will think of them as steps/guidelines for living abundantly in this new year.

1. nurture my creative spirit (even if it's only on the small scale): i managed  to score a copy of "the artists way" for $1 at the creative reuse depot. while i can't guarantee that i will follow it religiously, i think using it as a tool may be helpful. the part about artist dates in particular. i have no "goal" of finishing it in the 12-week manner it proponents but i will be working my way through it.

2. make better choices in taking care of myself: this one will require lots of baby steps and covers a range of issues. from making sure that i eat when i feel hungry (and not just ignore it) to staying properly hydrated. also things like following through on regular or semi-regular acupuncture, learning to like/accept myself/ compliment myself/ get my mojo back, consuming less (in the consumerism sense) and consuming less of things that are bad for me.

3. re-find my faith. in myself. in g_d. in humanity. in the greater good. in optimism. this on is also a tall order. it helps that, when the semester begins, my main class will be on asian philosophy and religion. what a great place to start! as for the others, with all the other work i'll be doing, i can only hope they will fall into place---but i'm not expecting miracles. it's hard to have any amount of faith in humanity as a whole--the minute something amazing and awe inspiring happens, giving me hope that people *don't* suck, i get reminded of the fact that people close to me believe any of the following: that sarah palin would make a great vicepresidential candidate; that our current president is a secret muslim terrorist because he won't 'support' the national day of prayer; that there is NO SUCH THING as global warming, etc. etc. etc.

here is to new beginnings!

food, glorious food!

i MEGAheart farmer's markets! they are a grad student's dream- well, at least this ones. where else can you stock up on amazingly fresh fruits, veggies, occasionally eggs, cheese and other asundry-ed items? and the best part? at student friendly, doesn't burn a hole in your pocket prices!!!

three cheers for market day!

here is a total list of my bounty this week: (*=organic)
- medium head of broccoli*
- medium head of cauliflower*
- large bundle of baby bok choy (pesticide-free)
- 4 sweet peppers of various colors*
- a bittermelon (pestitcide-free)
- 1/4 pound fresh shittake mushroom*
- 4 "dapple dandy" pluots*
- 4 persimmons*
- 2 "chojiro" asian pears* (they taste like butterscotch)
- 2 "shinseki" asian pears* (crispy and apple-like)
- 2 heads of garlic*
- 2 small eggplant*
- bundle of "tokyo" turnips*
- spicy cheese curds* (free-range, grass-fed happy cows!)
- 1/2 gallon of gravenstein apple cider*

and the grand total for this veritable feast?? $38.00!!!!!!

yay!

eat real food...

i am officially APPALLED at the food choices on campus! yes, it has been 6 years since undergrad, but i had hoped that dining choices had been expanded...or if nothing else, at least stayed the same.

backing up, let me give you some context- at my undergrad college (a student body of approx. 4000) there were 3 main dining choices (there are now at least 4): 2 dining halls and a cafe style/grab-and-go place. The dining halls had multiple options/sections: hot food (meat/fish, starch, veggies), a salad bar, a "themed" section (ethnic cuisine), a sandwich/panini bar, desserts, and of course, the cereal section. There were definitely options if you were a vegetarian but not really if you were vegan. the cafe/grab-and-go had more 'crappy' options: burgers, fries, pizza, nachos, candy, chips, ice cream and some healthier stuff: granola bars, yogurt, fresh fruit/fruit cups, veggies and dip/hummus. you didn't *HAVE* to eat well, but if you preferred healthy food, there was plenty of it to choose from.

fast forward to now: i attend a university in a area of the US that has an infinite growing season (sure from oct- feb it;s only kale, leeks and oranges) with tons of fresh, organic produce available not only at every grocery store, but there is pretty much a neighborhood farmer's market every day of the week. you would think that, given that the undergraduate student body is required to a) live on campus and b)have a meal plan and that there are graduate students commuting for evening classes, that the variety would be plentiful and healthy.

NOPE. there are only 2 dining halls on the entire campus (one at the top of a ridiculously steep hill) but the one that's open late basically only serves crap!!! my "healthy choices" are fresh fruit (but only some of it is organic, and the bananas are NOT fair trade even though all the coffee is both organic and fair trade) and sushi...which isn't vegetarian. i'm okay eating fish occasionally but only when i know for a fact that it's not farm raised and is sustainable. everything else is deep-fried, burgers, fries, pizza, taco salad, warm pretzels, ice cream, candy bars, soda....junkJUNKJUNK!!! with tons of high fructose corn syrup.

what's a girl to do? more importantly, what about the undergrads who ARE vegetarian/vegan/ allergic to gluten, etc.?????

oh the places you will go

i accomplished so frakin' much today and feel like a ROCKSTAR. there is seriously nothing more satisfactory than getting work done and feeling like you may actually understand what you are doing. 2 of my 4 supplementary readings: read. responses: written, but informally. i'm waiting to hear back from the prof if they need to be formalized. verb chat for studying-common present positive, common past positive, common present negative, past common negative, imperative and formal tenses: DONE.

and i even had time to do the dishes and make a casserole.

i am a goddess!!!!!!