gorram it all

apparently i am supposed to have a fairly concrete idea as to what i am writing my research paper on for one of my classes already. suffice it to say, i barely have an idea as to WHAT the *class* is all about, so how am i supposed to have an idea for a paper? additionally, for the 3rd week in a row, all the discussion questions for class are pointed in the same direction--> blahblahblah china blahblahblah egypt/jordan/bahrain blahblahblah...

i have been faithfully keeping up with the readings, though i could barely say what i got from any of them. i'm sick of circular "debates" in the classroom. i want to discuss other countries/ theories/ topics...but noooooooooo. it's all about china. china's powerful. china's scary. china's a bully. OH WAIT.

didn't britain say the same thing as it was waning and the u.s. was rising to power? and didn't the u.s. say the same exact things about japan back in the 80's/early 90's? i want to know about the other issues affecting international relations/politics!!!!!!!!!

see? told ya so....

oh, the tail-end of the semester. a mixed bag of feelings and emotions...and feeling like you're on the verge of an emotional breakdown.  finding new and creative ways to procrastinate. all my in class presentations are done. one out of 2 papers are done. the other has a snazzy title (OUTspoken: A Thematic Literary Analysis of Murakami Ryu's Piercing and Kirino Natsuo's Out) 

have i mentioned how much i *love* coming up with snazzy titles???

anywho...it's got a title and i've even outlined it. and that's as far as i've gotten. it was originally due this weekend, but R-sensei pushed it back to the 23rd. great. just what a motivation-ally-impaired person needs, a teacher induced procrastinational tool

proposed topic

so, assuming it gets "approved" (a.k.a. a better grade than my first paper proposal), here is a brief summary of what i will be writing a paper on for ONE of my classes this semester....

Rebel, Rebel: Soushoku Danshi (“Herbivore Boys”), Makeinu (“Losing Dogs”), and the Queering of “Traditional” Gender Roles in Japan

paper, part 1

so, i'm gonna post this. DON'T STEAL IT! this paper is *MY* property.

Noh Women/ No Women: Neo-Confucianism and Its Radical

Alteration on Perceptions of Gender as Seen Through the

Sociological Lens of Traditional Japanese Theatre

the end is sight ---> almost.

breathe.

just breathe.

tonight, i give my presentation on my final research paper. it's worth something ridiculous, like 20-25% of my grade. for a ten minute presentation.

i'm nervous.

why is it i always clam up in front of my peers, when (originally) i wanted to be an actor? and loved the stage???
is it because i feel under closer scrutiny? am i trying to hard to "prove" myself? and if so, to whom? to myself? my family? the universe?

sometimes i feel i would have been better off leaving well enough alone and pursuing acting. or just staying put with a bachelor's degree. razzle-frazzle-dazzle!!!!!! i just need to keep a calm head about this. it's nothing. i'm going to talk for 10 measly minutes about something i've been researching the hell out of. i'll be fine.

just breathe.

breathe.

the universe is sending me messages (perhaps)

a week from this wednesday, i must give a ten minute presentation on my final paper. the final paper for which i am now on my FOURTH topic. not because i'm indecisive...no no. because, apparently, the universe is trying to tell me that i'm doomed/cursed/meant(?) to be a professional academic!!!

i have gone through 4 topics because: the first topic (kannon vs kwan yin) was waaaaay too extensive for a 20 page paper. the second topic (shinto myth--specifically kitsune-- as perpetuater of japanese mysogyny) NO ONE had written on. the 3rd topic (generic shinto influence on japanese feminism) *still* had nothing written on it. really. and now, i'm *TRYING* to write on (what i mistakenly assumed would have a wealth of information) how the influx of confucian ideology resulted in the removal of women from acting in traditional japanese theatre AND the repercussions there of, with a bit of gender construction thrown in for good measure.

nothing. nada. zip. plenty on onnagata (female-performing men) and kabuki. yes, kabuki is a traditional theatre form BUT it developed at after the confucian ideals were in place. plenty on Noh--the form that existed pre-confucian influence, but women, if mentioned, are a side note (which, is my point, but doesn't aid in research). plenty on women in theatre AFTER the meiji restoration-but only in western or western influenced productions (again, proof by omission, of sorts).

ARGH! damn damn and double damn!!!

apparently, i suck...

at finding a research topic. or at least, researching a research topic.

maybe i just don't know how to "properly" use library search engines??? i have tried numerous combinations of key words. i have tried just googling the keywords in various combos. yet, to no avail. and i have now attempted 2 different topics. either the research doesn't exsist, and i am looking at hypothetical doctoral theses *OR* (the more likely option) i am doing the search all wrong.

i have even tried link+, as well as local library systems on top of my school's library AND a wide variety of scholarly journal databases.

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

crit. hit? or crit. miss? (debuting my critical analysis)

alright, it seems i have figured out how to make this "hidden text" thing work! the ONLY snafu is: if you go to my individual entry- it won't be hidden. if you are on my main page, you have the option to expand and read.

that being said-- i am posting the critical analysis i wrote for my basic-overview class below. it has to do with textbook controversy in the asia-pacific and is in response to 4 lengthy articles we had to read. the "goal" of the paper was to show we understood the main points/insights and then to process them, looking at them critically and analyzing what we read (surprising right? who knew that's what a critical analysis was?!?!)  don't be concerned if you don't understand the particulars--if you choose to read it.

ALSO: THE BELOW PAPER IS MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. please please please do not plagiarize it. i will cry tears of molten lava and that will hurt....

i wrote a paper

i think it is rather brilliant. when i figure out how to post it BEHIND a link (so you can chose to read it if you want) and how to make sure someone doesn't plagiarize it before wednesday, i will put it up here.

any one know what's its called/ how to make a "link" to hide part of your post????