without the whole shallow, looking to fulfill some dude's utter happiness whilst ignoring my own.
but seriously, how is it that in my LAST semester i utterly totally and completely have lost interest in getting this degree? in going to class? in trying to challenge myself? i'd rather just go about doing my job, finding another, volunteering, farmer's market-ing, cooking/baking at home, loving my cats, crafting, reading for pleasure---> all for the rest of my life. maybe learn how to can and make preserves and shit like that.
i see what other people my age have accomplished and what i'm doing *PALES* in comparison: so why do i bother? i'm not asking you, dear reader, for the answer. my problem is i don't have an answer. i have no idea why i'm getting this degree. or thinking about getting one after it. i have no clue what type of "career" i want. i have no goals for what i hope to achieve. i have no desire/drive to be published, go to conferences, network, etc. so why the fuck am i still dragging myself 2-hours-via-transit away to be in a program i find utterly overwhelming and yet, utterly under-performing to my expectations!!!!
i'm so sick of feeling like i want to crawl in a cave and just stay there permanently...which is how i feel when i think about school.
Showing posts with label pointless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pointless. Show all posts
01 February 2011
14 September 2010
"dirty little secret"
since yesterday, i have been seriously contemplating e-mailing my professor and telling him i am sick and will be missing class. and this is the class i feel less disappointed in/upset about. even right now, at approx. 1 p.m. i still really really want to, but don't know how i would explain to my spousal unit why i'm still at home. ditching class? really? me???
i haven't wanted to do that since undergrad. and it's not even as if i didn't fully prepare for class or need to skip out due to a test. i read everything. i even enjoyed it. i just don't want to go. don't want to spend over an hour via public transit to get there, sit for 3.5 hours, spend another hour in getting home, all to eat dinner ridiculously late and spend an hour before sleeping with my bugga. (i want more time with him, dammit. not less)
i should be reading stuff for thursday but i can't seem to motivate myself. i'd rather read the book i bought yesterday or spend time on the internet. i really *LIKED* thursday's class until the prof. announced that by not participating verbally, one gets DOWNGRADED. so now classtime gets wasted on everyone trying to make sure they speak, and nothing of value gets accomplished!!!!
i'm so miffed i could spit nails!
and as if i didn't need other external issues pissing me off and making me question why i'm even in school, there was this little article i stumbled across: http://jezebel.com/5637642/women-get-more-phds-than-men-academia-possibly-to-discover-gender-balance the title sounds promising right? more women getting PhD's. until it goes into how that's actually a disadvantage to women because the fields they are getting PhD's in are now seen as "feminized" and "less important" than the traditionally "masculine" fields (math, science, etc.)
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
i haven't wanted to do that since undergrad. and it's not even as if i didn't fully prepare for class or need to skip out due to a test. i read everything. i even enjoyed it. i just don't want to go. don't want to spend over an hour via public transit to get there, sit for 3.5 hours, spend another hour in getting home, all to eat dinner ridiculously late and spend an hour before sleeping with my bugga. (i want more time with him, dammit. not less)
i should be reading stuff for thursday but i can't seem to motivate myself. i'd rather read the book i bought yesterday or spend time on the internet. i really *LIKED* thursday's class until the prof. announced that by not participating verbally, one gets DOWNGRADED. so now classtime gets wasted on everyone trying to make sure they speak, and nothing of value gets accomplished!!!!
i'm so miffed i could spit nails!
and as if i didn't need other external issues pissing me off and making me question why i'm even in school, there was this little article i stumbled across: http://jezebel.com/5637642/women-get-more-phds-than-men-academia-possibly-to-discover-gender-balance the title sounds promising right? more women getting PhD's. until it goes into how that's actually a disadvantage to women because the fields they are getting PhD's in are now seen as "feminized" and "less important" than the traditionally "masculine" fields (math, science, etc.)
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
29 November 2009
stupidest assignment EVER
i am sure i have mentioned in the past just how obnoxious my language homework can be. especially since 90% of the time we get assigned for *written homework* what was supposed to be in class, oral exercises. this makes for lots of "creative" made-up questions/answers. nothing like inventing a series of answers from imaginary classmates.
for this round of homework, however, i think i was given an exercise that exemplifies/embodies just how STUPID this is. not only because um...hello, it's supposed to be an oral exercise---writing it out won't help me learn to speak the damn language--- but also because well, you'll see:
(from the textbook): ask three classmates if they are willing to do the following once they get married. add your own question. after the interview, tell the class who you want to marry and why.
okay- here comes the reasons:
1. my class is only 3 people. so i only have two classmates.
2. an interview implies you are actually asking your classmates and having them respond.
3. i am already married.
4. my classmates (all TWO of them) are both straight women, one's in a relationship.
5. i am making up their answers, so i am misrepresenting them.
6. in theory, i was supposed to physically write out each question and the response, so i'd be writing each of the 8 questions TWICE- the exact same way. (waste of time)
of the 3 other exercises i have completed in the past hour, 2 of them were supposedly "aloud" exercises using the dialog cd...but now have become written. i'm so glad i get to practice writing over and over and over....it's not like i wanted to learn to actually SPEAK the language. nah.
for this round of homework, however, i think i was given an exercise that exemplifies/embodies just how STUPID this is. not only because um...hello, it's supposed to be an oral exercise---writing it out won't help me learn to speak the damn language--- but also because well, you'll see:
(from the textbook): ask three classmates if they are willing to do the following once they get married. add your own question. after the interview, tell the class who you want to marry and why.
okay- here comes the reasons:
1. my class is only 3 people. so i only have two classmates.
2. an interview implies you are actually asking your classmates and having them respond.
3. i am already married.
4. my classmates (all TWO of them) are both straight women, one's in a relationship.
5. i am making up their answers, so i am misrepresenting them.
6. in theory, i was supposed to physically write out each question and the response, so i'd be writing each of the 8 questions TWICE- the exact same way. (waste of time)
of the 3 other exercises i have completed in the past hour, 2 of them were supposedly "aloud" exercises using the dialog cd...but now have become written. i'm so glad i get to practice writing over and over and over....it's not like i wanted to learn to actually SPEAK the language. nah.
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