sweet zombie buddha! (and other class issues)

okay, i kid you not, the first hour and 45 minutes of class were spent talking about AN ANALOGY of buddhist ideas as seen in a zombie movie. probably not the best parallel but that's not the point. the point is, why the %^*($&)*# did we spend that much time on a fucking analogy?!?!

and why do we keep coming back to the same damn subject: thing=nothing. who cares that our minds don't quite get it? it's only because we are using very loaded words to discuss complicated, metaphysical and spiritual concepts. we may struggle with using the terms interchangably but that's due to our culture. our upbringing.

i really wish we would just use the "original" pali terms (or even sanskrt) so we wouldn't waste HOURS on word bullshit!!!!!!

open-ended letter to my professor....

dr. x,

understand that i mean no disrespect. you are terribly unmotivating, uninteresting and, in my personal opinion, not qualified to teach our class. perhaps my expectations are high. i mean, it;s not your fault that our previous professor was an incredibly bright, challenging, caring, harvard-educated man who drove us to succeed and inspired us to excel. it's not your fault that i assumed you would be on par with him. it's not your fault that i feel the field in which you specialize is a load of crock.

perhaps, if maybe this week's readings (which you want to have us prepared for wednesday's class) had been posted early enough that i could print them out and therefore underline/highlight them instead of it now being early sunday afternoon and--having no access to a printer-- i will have to rely on reading them on the internet and my paltry attempt at note-taking.

will this continue to be a regular thing? i hope not, because i rely on the IT room on campus to print things. 1) it's much cheaper than the library/ kinko's/ random copy centers per page. 2) it's convienient to print them out on wednesday/thursday before i go to my actual class so i can read them during--oh say my two hour round-trip commute. i can't **DO** that on my laptop because the city isn't wired with free wireless. and i don't have the money to go to cafes everyday to access the internet. and my apartment is out of the question because lord knows there are too many distractions!!!!!

so for the love of pete (whomever he may be) FUCKING POST THE READINGS ON TIME!!!!

then, you may just gain an ounce of respect from me.

sincerely,
embittered grad student

so much for that "high"...

after class last night, i actually felt semi-remotely confident that i would be able to struggle and keep up with the more advanced language students. i even felt fairly assured that the homework would be a relative breeze. HA!

i have now been working on a SINGLE worksheet of what is supposed to be review for over 2.5 hours. there are no instructions, just "follow the pattern"- patterns we briefly went over in class. but now, in the real world i am staring at the fucking sheet of paper confused as all get out as to what EXACTLY i am supposed to do!!!

i know i should just walk away, take a break, *breathe**breathe**BREATHE* but i feel so defeated just giving up on it, because i know i won't understand it any later on. and it's due thursday! THIS thursday. i hate feeling so incompetent...and even though i know the teacher knows i'm "behind", i don't know how to get the help i need!

supposedly there are language tutors on campus but campus is an hour/ hour and a half transit ride away....and where do i go? (see yesterdays entry about lack of campus info available)

F%&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!