things that currently terrify me

i debated whether or not i was going to make this entry. not only because it has been so long since my last update that i fear no one will even read this, but also because i feel it is testing the limits of my own boundaries of public vs. private life.

suffice it to say, it has come to a point where, i have no other outlet in which i can turn to for "help": my parents never quite "get it", my spouse has many of the same fears/terrors as i do and already bears so much for me, my circle of friends/acquaintances, i fear, see me as a pessimistic naysayer---and i don't feel i can share this/ talk about all this with anyone directly. this is NOT to gain sympathy or pity. it is to get my anger/rage/frustration out at a situation which feels insurmountable. so here i go.

warning: below page break exists all the shit i'm dealing with. if you really don't want to know what is going on, it's cool, just don't read on. if you *DO*, consider this fair warning.

just a quick update

for those of you who still are checking in with me--- i have started a side project.

an unedited, no bars held back, more personal blog.

if you know me in real life and want an invite, let me know. i may send you one. i may not. i may update the personal one. i may use it for myself only. i haven't decided yet.

later.