head full...words failing...

tonight i have my first quiz! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

my head is so crammed full of verbs tenses, patterns, conjugations of adjectives AND nouns (that's right folks---nouns!) i can only hope now that all my studying will come to fruition and i can do my best! hopefully it will just be a quiz on the tenses, not on the other vocabulary i supposedly should have learned.....

eep.

oh the places you will go

i accomplished so frakin' much today and feel like a ROCKSTAR. there is seriously nothing more satisfactory than getting work done and feeling like you may actually understand what you are doing. 2 of my 4 supplementary readings: read. responses: written, but informally. i'm waiting to hear back from the prof if they need to be formalized. verb chat for studying-common present positive, common past positive, common present negative, past common negative, imperative and formal tenses: DONE.

and i even had time to do the dishes and make a casserole.

i am a goddess!!!!!!

make new friends, but keep the old...

is it silly how giddy i get when my new classmates friend me on facebook?

maybe just a little....but i like them, so it's okay.

second thoughts...

there are moments when i more than second guess myself- and today i am having one GIANT "what-the-frack-am-i-doing?" day.

here's why (in brief):

- i cried IN CLASS last night because i just couldn't "get" the conjugation patterns. and it was still a 'review' class.

- i haven't figured out yet if my unemployment checks have been "frozen" on account of sheer stupidity.

- my brain hurts.

- i feel so emotionally exhausted from trying to keep up that i was out cold last night from 11:30 until 10:45 this morning. i haven't slept like that since i was like, 5.

- i hardly get to see my spousal unit- unless i visit him at work. i don't want to be one of those couples that gets driven apart because we never see each other/ have quality time together.

- i can't imagine how i would potentially balance a job and school work- and i'm only a week in.

i know logically, i shouldn't second guess myself, but there is a huge part of me that wants to turn and RUN the other way. to move somewhere "affordable" (read: rent is under $800/month) that has a stable job market instead of squeaking by on one part-time job and student loans in an ass-expensive location with a dying job market....

why did i have to pick now to go back???

the "other class" and night 2 of language, coming up...

aside from the many frustrations i am having with my language component- there *IS* another class i have to take this semester: 601...basically a survey/introductory course to the program. and this class, i am thrilled about. the professor seems very genuine and is incredibly, academically armed to teach. besides getting his ph.d. in historiography(!) he heads multiple committees, is involved with several big time nonprofits and academic journals AND is an amateur film buff. gotta love it.

i am still having issues with not getting any assistance from people on campus figuring out why my card won't let me into the LIBRARY and why my netbook doesn't want to connect to the internet. i must have the wrong login/password combo but the damn school has given us at least 3, and none of them related! terribly unhelpful.

managed to get my homework for tonight's 2nd language class done--i'm not sure it's correct at all. BUT i am giving it my best try and i hope, in a class of three students, that will count for something.

oh and one of my classmates was kind enough to actually point out where the bookstore is and where the "grab and go" cafe is...yay!

financial freeze?!?!

so i get a letter in the mail today from the official unemployment services. it's about a phone interview that i MUST have---on october first! the last time i had a phone interview, my unemployment benefits were frozen until after the interview had been conducted and i was deemed "worthy" of receiving them.

now i'm beginning to freak out: why did i get this now? the list of questions on the back, included pamphlet and added letter all pertain to "work-related training". ie. am i still eligible to receive benefits while attending....

what?! the only thing i can think of is on the official form i have to fill out and send every other week there is a question that asks: "did you begin any kind of school or training?" i must have answered YES (being the honest person i am, i began graduate school...duh.) and now i have to wait for them to determine if i can still meet the requirements while a full-time student?!?!??!

so, by returning to school, i can't get the money i need to go back to school? a logical fallacy. and i have to wait an ENTIRE month's time---during which i don't have income-- for them to make a phone call and ask me questions, after which (and this is the best part) if i *am* still determined eligible, i have to get a letter signed and send it to them!!!!!!

i hardly have enough time to do my frickin' homework and get to and from class, how am i supposed to hyper-actively pursue a means of income as well???

believe me, i have been looking for work. i check work postings daily, send out (on average) 2 resumes a week--usually more---and since losing my job in APRIL i have only been called in for 4 (yes, that's F-O-U-R) interviews! and obviously none have hired me!!! because i was going back to school.

this is so fucked up.

so much for that "high"...

after class last night, i actually felt semi-remotely confident that i would be able to struggle and keep up with the more advanced language students. i even felt fairly assured that the homework would be a relative breeze. HA!

i have now been working on a SINGLE worksheet of what is supposed to be review for over 2.5 hours. there are no instructions, just "follow the pattern"- patterns we briefly went over in class. but now, in the real world i am staring at the fucking sheet of paper confused as all get out as to what EXACTLY i am supposed to do!!!

i know i should just walk away, take a break, *breathe**breathe**BREATHE* but i feel so defeated just giving up on it, because i know i won't understand it any later on. and it's due thursday! THIS thursday. i hate feeling so incompetent...and even though i know the teacher knows i'm "behind", i don't know how to get the help i need!

supposedly there are language tutors on campus but campus is an hour/ hour and a half transit ride away....and where do i go? (see yesterdays entry about lack of campus info available)

F%&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!