things are a foot!

i won't go into much detail here- in part because this is my public forum and in part because i don't want to inadvertantly jinx things- but there are...stirrings. things are moving in a direction that is (hopefully) positive and fulfilling. slowly moving but moving none-the-less. i hope they will be coming to fruition by T's birthday (early october).

for more details keep checking in, or, if you have access to my private blog, go there for more info!

an open letter to the state of XX

look, i know there isn't much money right now for anyone or anything. in fact, you seem to be in a bit of a pickle yourself: closing state parks, entire cities filing for bankruptcy, public schools being shut down....


seriously though, all i want to know is how you figure the monetary amount for supplementary nutritional assistance. how is it that 2 adults with a *COMBINED* income of just over $800/month (who pay almost $900/month for rent), only qualify for half the "full amount" of aid???!!! (about $275 is the full amount btw)


i get the system is broken, and believe me, i would love to move out of this stupid state but shocker shocker, we simply can't afford too!!!


gee thanks, state of XX, for making our lives miserable.

things are manifesting {cross-posted from my "less public" blog}

which means, of course, i haven't been writing. but i will be soon. honest. in the meantime, BRIEF bringing y'all up to speed:

- job is going well.
- i'm using my health care and taking care of myself bit by bit
- seeing a rad-tacular somatic therapist
- yoga work-trade is amazing
- possibility of a new living space/place is at 95% (just need to figure out the logistics)

day by day my friends, day by day.

525,600 minutes...{how do you measure, measure a year?}

this weekend marks exactly ONE YEAR since i "graduated" and it has left me thinking about everything that has (and hasn't) happened since that pivotal day. so i thought, to bring my readers up to speed--since it has been a long while since i updated-- to do it by numbers.

1--> the approximate number of weeks after my graduation ceremony before my spousal unit *SHATTERED* his left leg/knee/tibial plateau.
5+--> days in the hospital after the first surgery
3--> days in the hospital after the second surgery
3--> surgeries in total
4+--> months in which the spousal unit was completely bed-ridden
11 and counting--> months of recovery until gaining "full use" of his leg again
2--> times he had his health insurance taken away from him by his employer because he wasn't "earning it" (um....broke his leg DUH)
4--> different jobs i've had since graduation
1-->awesome, yet sadly temporary, internship
4+--> months where i was unemployed, thanks to the aforementioned employer who took spousal unit's insurance away
2--> months i had to battle them to collect EDD benefits
6-->months on SNAP (food stamps)
20+--> resumes/cover letters sent out for jobs/positions that were more than entry level
50+--> other jobs applied for
4--> "thanks for applying but we'll pass" letters received in total from all jobs/positions tried for
1--> amazing child that i nanny-share for once a week
3--> interviews (2 for retail positions, 1 for a "real grown up" job)
1-->job finally found!
7--> years of marriage celebrated, despite all the past year's hardships!!!!

and many, many, many other things....

just a quick update

for those of you who still are checking in with me--- i have started a side project.

an unedited, no bars held back, more personal blog.

if you know me in real life and want an invite, let me know. i may send you one. i may not. i may update the personal one. i may use it for myself only. i haven't decided yet.

later.

PANIC (at the disco!)

t-minus one week until graduation. so many things left to accomplish/square away and feeling awash in the quagmire of panic. in order of importance:

1. write my paper for politics (hopefully accomplished by tuesday)
2. complete the online federal loan exit survey, or my grades will not be released :(
3. Project proposal for my other class--a blessedly short write up
4. try to do one more update of my project before having to present it on thursday
5. FIGURE OUT SUMMER LANGUAGE!!!---> things that are impeding my search:
    A. the above numbers, 1-4
    B. It needs to be at least four credits (most i can find are 3)
    C. it needs to work with/around my work schedule.I need to work at least 4 days a week. shifts at work   are either 11-4 OR 4-9.  everything i have found out there so far would not allow me to work as much as i need to, there by making living/eating/paying rent a pain in the arse.
    D. If i don't find one that can give me 4 credits, i will NOT receive my diploma
    E. ideally, i would *like* to continue studying japanese (since, you know, i'd like to actually get proficient at it) but institutions around here only offer intro levels over the summer. or 3-credit classes.

i'm having a hard time keeping food down and sleeping with regularity. when i do sleep, i'm addled with dreams that are bordering on night terrors. i know to try and breathe and take one day at a time, but this feels like an epic crux/ turning point in my life and why the frak can't things just fall into place a little bit better??? this langauge thing has been a pain in my ass since the begining.

panicky panic

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

project. paper. no direction. 9 days. sleep??? eat?? must register for summer. graduate?